Often seen in popular science articles, love is categorized into three core elements: intimacy, commitment, and passion.
But this is more of a description of the outward manifestations of love, and doesn't really answer the fundamental question, "What is love?" It does not really answer the fundamental question, "What is love?
1. Based on what you have learned and read, how would you summarize the nature of love in one sentence?
2. how would different schools of psychology view the value, meaning, and reason for the existence of love?
Hi, I'm Counselor Islander and I'm happy to discuss this interesting topic with you. My core point is this:The essence of love is neither to selfishly pursue "my happiness" nor to selflessly expect "your happiness", but to jointly build the inseparable "our happiness".Adlerian PsychologyAdlerian Psychology emphasizes not "how to be loved" but "how to love", and focuses not on the fairy tale of the prince and Cinderella before they meet, but on how the two people manage their relationship after the movie ends.
Love is truly a timeless topic, it has been celebrated in countless poems and masterpieces from time immemorial, and it is hard for all of us to escape the magic of love, to be obsessed, crazy, and even hurt by it.Regarding the nature of love, I particularly agree with Adler's definition of love.
Adler suggests that there are three major issues in life: work, friendships, and love.
We create a division of labor through the pursuit of "my happiness", which is work.
We build friendships by pursuing "your happiness", and that's what dating is.A loving relationship is different in that it does not favor either the self-interested "my happiness" or the altruistic "your happiness," but rather focuses on creating "our happiness" together.It seeks not to passively wait to be loved, but to actively learn how to love, not to focus on the romance at the beginning of a relationship, but to emphasize the bonding and growth of both parties in a long-term relationship.
In the love of two people, marriage requires both partners to work together in unity to make the love last.
It's like the old saying, "When a husband and wife are together, their strength is broken."
This explains why, in modern society, the relationship between husband and wife should be prioritized over other relationships.
For example, the order of husband and wife relationship, parent-child relationship and family-of-origin relationship must be husband and wife relationship > parent-child relationship > family-of-origin relationship. If the order is wrong, it is easy for problems to arise.
Adler proposed the concept of "we", which goes beyond "I" or "you". All choices in life should be guided by this principle, neither thinking only about oneself nor satisfying the other, and relationships are meaningful only if "we" are both happy.
More importantly, Adler sees love as a bridge to one another.
He has said that all troubles come from relationships. In turn, all happiness comes from relationships.
Love transforms the subject of "I" into "we", and through love we can escape from self-centeredness and achieve true independence and acceptance of the whole world.Once love is understood, the "we" that begins with two people gradually expands to include the entire community and all of humanity.
This ties together Adler's system of thought.Some psychologists see love as a resonance of the soul, others as an expression of desire or instinct.
With regard to love, Adler's explanation is closer to the essence and points the way to how to practice love.
Fromm's
The Art of Love.Again, it is emphasized that love is not an egoistic emotion, but is based on the idea of "we" as the "we".
sense of community.
Whether it is Adler or Fromm, their theories point to the same goal: to promote solidarity and cooperation among people.
As for different schools of thought on the value and meaning of love, there's really no need to get hung up on it.
We just need to find a theory of love that we agree with.
Because it reflects our outlook on life, worldview and values.
If one wants to understand how Adler's Active Going to Love falls into place.
The Five Languages of Love book may inspire you.I hope my sharing has given you some new things to think about.I am Washima, the world and I love you.
