Your child is going through puberty, but always lacks initiative. For example, if you ask him what he wants to eat for dinner, he often responds with "whatever".
When asked what was going on in school, he also always said he didn't know, and when asked to help with something, he either coped or just refused.
Average physical condition, not very athletic, can't muster much interest in any activities or hobbies, seems a bit lazy.
Conservative in thinking, not paying much attention to external changes, and only mechanically completing the tasks assigned by the teacher, but not doing too well in school.
He always does what the teacher says without thinking, such as changing the mask immediately when told to do so, without considering the actual situation at home, and appears to be incapable of adaptation.
But when his teacher emphasized the need to study well and in the right way, he couldn't do it, which made him anxious.
? Hello, and first of all, a warm hug to you! I totally understand your concern and expectations for your child and kudos to you for coming forward for help. I'm Shuya Qingzheng, and I'll share some of my personal opinions below.
?01, How to Accept and Care for Adolescents
When children enter adolescence after middle school, their original lively and lovely appearance seems to have disappeared, and they are getting farther and farther away from the excellence we expect, which may be a common feeling of many parents.
Adolescence is a critical period for children to form their self-perception, with outlooks on life, values and worldviews slowly being shaped, a process that continues into adulthood.
The fact that you are asking questions and learning from the platform shows that you are a very wise parent. Why don't you read more questions from other children in the Q&A library? Many children are suffering from anxiety, depression or pain because they don't get understanding, recognition and love from their parents.
Instead of focusing on their children's shortcomings, smart parents discover their strengths and specialties first, and then slowly guide their children to observe, learn and grow.
It's normal to have expectations for your child, but if you always hold the mentality of "hating the iron is not steel" and demanding too much, it will bring harm to your child.
Therefore, it is recommended to accept the child's current situation, allow him to have small problems in his growth, and help him improve in a gentle way with the "south wind effect", which will be more effective.
Learning to respect and understand your child and mastering nonviolent communication skills is the best way to support your child. It is good to learn and grow with your child.
I myself was once a mom who always tried to correct my child's deficiencies, and as a result, my child not only lost his confidence and happiness, but also became low self-esteem, avoidant, and even addicted to the Internet.
?02, teach by example and do a good job of parenting. There are teachers to teach the rules of society, and what parents need to do is to let their children see confident and happy role models and feel the warmth and love of home.
It is recommended to note down one good thing about your child every day and encourage it promptly, even if it is a warm word, a smile or a favor.
You can also exercise more, and children are naturally influenced subconsciously when they see an active parent exercising.
?03, I recommend you listen to audio readings from book clubs when you have time, such as "Mindfulness Lessons for Moms," "Nonviolent Communication," "Keeping Your Child Free of Fear, Anxiety, and Procrastination," "Meet Your Child, Meet Your Better Self," and other great books.
? The world and I love you, I hope these tips help.
