I used to have a pretty strong personality and hadn't cried much in years, and I especially didn't like to be a crybaby myself.
But ever since I fell in love, I have become especially sentimental, I want to shed tears at the slightest thing, and I can't help but cry when we fight, and it makes things worse when I cry.
Because he especially hates when people cry, he thinks that crying will make the atmosphere depressing, and when he sees me cry he tends to lose his temper, and although he will scold me, he is trying to restrain himself and give me a lot of reasoning, which I can understand, but he just can't control his own emotions, and he himself suffers a lot of pain and regrets.
I'm wondering if I'm relying on him too much. Or is there a psychological problem?
Hello!
From your description, I can feel the confusion, regret, worry and pain in your heart.
You said you used to be quite strong, and do not like to cry, but after the relationship has become sentimental, a cry to let the conflict escalate, the boyfriend feels the atmosphere is poor, will be cranky but also reasoning, you can listen to, but the emotions are difficult to control, their own chagrin, want to know if it's not over-dependence or psychological problems.
Next, I'll give you three suggestions to help clear your mind for your reference:
First, I suggest you think back to what was going through your mind every time you wanted to cry.
Because everyone cries for a reason, and there is often an inner need hidden behind the tears, you can think about what you were thinking about that made you cry.
Is it because you feel aggrieved (for example, when you were a child, you were often misunderstood, your parents did not allow you to cry when you were aggrieved, so you were strong on the outside but fragile on the inside, and now that you are in a relationship, you think you can be understood, and then you explode when you are aggrieved), or are you afraid that the other person will leave you (maybe you grew up with insecurity, and now you are always worried about being left out), or are sad and so on. Figure out which need the crying is trying to fulfill so you can see if you're too dependent on him, and also find out why so you can control your emotions.
I suggest you rationalize the psychological needs you find yourself in.
Because rational thinking, in and of itself, helps you stabilize your emotions.
For example, if you think about crying because you're afraid your boyfriend will leave, ask yourself if that fear is really happening. Are you overthinking it? If you're crying because you're sad, think about whether crying will solve the problem. Are you crying too often? And so on.
Note that thinking rationally in this way is not to say that you won't be allowed to cry, and that it's not good to suppress your emotions all the time, but I hope that you will realize if you are overdoing it, and after examining it in this way maybe you will realize that sometimes crying is not a good option, and in turn learn to control it.
Again, I would suggest that you try to verbalize it in response to the psychological need to find it.
Because "expression" itself can soothe the emotions within.
When you still can't control the urge to cry even after rational thinking, try saying what you need in your mind at that point and see the effect.
However, it is better to start the expression with "I" and less with "you", so that the other party can accept it more easily.
For example, if you want to be understood when you have a fight with your boyfriend, you can just say, "Honey, I'm angry because I think you misunderstood me, and I'm very aggrieved, so I hope you can understand my feelings".
When you express your needs honestly in this way, you are less likely to be sentimental and less likely to cry at the drop of a hat.
What's more, after learning to express your needs, you will slowly be able to control your emotions, which not only improves understanding, but also facilitates relationship management.
If you want to get out of the status quo, first figure out the need behind the crying, then rationalize to stabilize your emotions, and finally learn to express the need.
I hope my answer is helpful.
