At family gatherings, my sister is particularly harsh in her speech, her tone of voice is impulsive and even a bit intense (for example, when I saw the water spilled and kindly offered to take a towel to help her wipe the table, I ended up taking the wrong towel, and she immediately yelled out: that's for wiping the dishes, not the table!) She immediately yelled: that's for wiping the bowl, not the table! I felt stung and was particularly offended and very upset. She didn't even think her words weighed much, and this way of speaking made me very uncomfortable, and I always felt that my family members were deliberately angry with me.
Why does she have to talk so loud? Why does she have to be so disrespectful when she's always yelling and condescending to me? Why does she treat me like that? And in turn, she accuses me of not being a sister, but I feel like I've given so much already.
In addition, when I usually communicate with my children, some of their words hurt me. For example, when I learned how to use a cell phone, I didn't understand a lot of things, and when I asked my children to teach me, they seemed particularly impatient, so I was particularly angry. I feel that as a mother, my children should respect me, but whenever they need my help, I immediately put down what I was doing and rushed over, but they would not do this to me.
Hi! First of all, I'd like to give you a warm hug through the air, I'm glad to read what you've shared and I hope my advice will give you some support. From your description, I can sense the aggravation and anger that your family's words and actions make you feel disrespected, unappreciated and even a little bit disliked.
When you realize that your family member's thoughtless actions have made you feel disrespected, dismissed or picked on, actually try to be brave enough to voice your true feelings and needs in that moment. That way they can know in time that their behavior hurt you and that you didn't deserve to be treated that way.
When faced with words or actions from family members that make you uncomfortable or disrespectful, it may be difficult for you to speak up and express yourself because you feel as if you are not good enough. As a result, you often choose to suppress or hide your emotions at the time, which in turn allows your family to continue treating you in the same way, unable to realize the problem.
So, as an adult, you have the ability to protect yourself - no one can just hurt you without your permission. If you always feel that the people around you are too dissatisfied, disrespectful or critical of you, you might want to look at yourself first to see if you really accept yourself from the inside. If you are hard on yourself, how can you ask others to treat you in a gentle way? What do you think?
The key to being able to say how you feel when you're hurting lies in your keen awareness of your emotions. The next time you feel uncomfortable, take a deep breath, slowly sort out the needs behind your emotions, and then try to express them calmly instead of venting with them.
I'm Lily Little Ears from the Answer Library, and the world and I love you all the time.
