Two years ago, I immigrated to Canada with my dad and stepmom, expecting to start a wonderful new life.
But in recent years, my relationship with my stepmother has become increasingly strained and friction has escalated.
I had long planned to move out of my dad's house and live on my own when I graduated from high school at 18.
One day in the first semester of my senior year of high school, I got into a heated argument with my stepmom's mom when I came home over the small matter of opening the door (which I felt I was right about). My stepmom joined in and yelled at me, and her mom actually just told me to get the hell out and locked the door to keep me out, and I was furious.
(Thinking: this is clearly my dad's house, who are they to do this to me?) I was outside ringing the doorbell frantically and cursing at them.
What's even more chilling to me is that my dad only believed my stepmother and her girls when he came back, and didn't listen to my explanation at all.
That night, they didn't let me go home and put me in a hotel, so I had to miss school and go out on my own to find an apartment.
I was so sad that my heart went cold and I used the inheritance my mother left me to start living on my own.
This was last October.
Hi, first a warm hug from across the room! I'm glad to see you share this and I hope my advice will give you some support. From your description, I can sense that you are very eager for your dad's care and attention.
Those conflicts with your stepmother have passed, but the feelings of aggression and anger left behind are still there. The shutdown incident, in particular, where Dad actually sided with Stepmom, made you feel abandoned and untrusted, and it was especially hard on your heart.
In fact, you have a bad relationship with your stepmom and may subconsciously be competing with them for your dad's love, which is behind your loyalty to your mom. It's normal that you want your dad to love you more, people want to be favored, don't you think?
So, accept your emotions first and find a chance to talk to your dad about how you really feel and let him know how hurt you are. But also understand that it may be difficult for dad and he doesn't want to hurt anyone. In families, the couple relationship sometimes takes precedence over the parent-child relationship.
In front of your dad, you will always be a child, craving for his love. But as an adult, as you grow up, you need to learn to love yourself and face life on your own, and Daddy can't be with you forever. Right?
I'm Lilly the Answer House Little Ears, the world and I love you.
